(This is being translated from where Mercutio long speech is Act 1 Scene 4)
Mercutio
she is a little fairies mid wife she is about the size of a stone which lays in an old man ring. she is carried around by atoms and she travels over men noses as they sleep.the wheels are made of spiders legs and the cover is made out of the wings of grass hoppers, her tracks are made out of the smallest spider webs, and her collar shines as bright as the moon, her whip is a thread connected to a cricket bone, her wagon driver is a small grey coated bug, not half the size of a round worm from a young girls finger, her chariot is a hazelnut shell that was made by an old grubby squirrel they have made wagons for as long as you can remember and happily she rides ever night through the brains of lovers and every night they dream about love. she rides over royal advisers knees and they dream about advising. she rides over lawyers fingers and straight away they dream about fees. she rides over lady lips and they dream of kissing. often queen Mab gets angry and gives people blisters on their lips to stop the smell of rich foods that is what makes her mad. she rides over mail men lips and they dream of getting a fresh nice suit. and sometimes she comes with a pig tail and itches a person’s nose as they lie down sleeping and they dream of large donations.sometimes she rides over soldiers necks and they dream of cutting foreign enemies throats and beating Spanish ambushes and stay healthy. and then drums in his ears awake him but he is scared by the dream so he prays and goes back to sleep.she is the same queen Mab who plates the horses hair in the night and hardens the horses hair lots of misfortune hangs their.when girls lie down on their backs they get false dreams that could happen she is the one
Romeo
enough Mercutio enough what you say means nothing
Mercutio
true I am talking about dreams which are a small part of the brain dreams are not true they are fantasy and they are as thin as the air and less predictable than the wind which blows north and then gets angered and turns south.
Benvolio
the wind that you are talking about is caring you away and it will Mack us late for dinner and the party will have finished.
Romeo
no I think we are going there to early and I have a feeling that there is a consequence waiting there for me which will lead me to my own death but who ever has control over me can decide what happens let’s go gentlemen
Benvolio
beat the drum
By Tobias Sonnex
December 9, 2015 at 3:31 pm
Tobias,
As is often the case with your English work, this is a piece that shows some real insight, and some serious limitations. Ironically, the insight comes in the more difficult aspect of the work (the depth of understanding of the original Shakespearian text) – but the deficit is in the simpler area of the mechanics of your writing. You are still missing some of the simple capitalisation at the beginning of sentences and some of the correct punctuation of sentences with full stops.
This makes your writing very difficult to read – and let’s face it, writing is all about the reader!
If you don’t know how to make these amendments, please tell me – but if you simply haven’t got around to it – please get around to it!
Don’t forget that Shakespeare wrote his original piece by Mercutio in blank verse (iambic pentameter) – which makes such a long body of text easier to read as well. Had you considered doing this?
CW
February 8, 2016 at 1:20 am
I’m a bit disappointed that you decided not to go back to this piece to develop it further. There’s still time!